Audition Six: The Head Lice Product YouTube Ad

Well, as you may have guessed, he did not get the Franklyn Covey Fighting Over a Piece of Pie Short Movie role.  It's been about a month now.  He has been rehearsing Nutcracker roles and assisting a little bit in rehearsals - that's what seven years of Nutcracker will do for you.  He can dance all the parts now -  all the kid parts and all of the adult parts -  in Act I, including the Bear and Doll, which is a feat if I say so myself.

So, on Friday night, we get this call from The Agency asking about his availability to act in an ad that will be shown on YouTube - you know, those little ads that you hate when all you want to do is watch some funny cat on YouTube and you have to slog through fifteen seconds of ad before you happily click "SKIP AD" and move on to your weird cat video?   You know, like this kind of Weird Cat Video?

Yes, like THIS.

Anyway, we have now learned that it's filming NEXT week, not tomorrow, this Head Lice Film and that they have sent his head shot (har har) over to the... to the people who are making an ad about HEAD LICE FOR CHRISSAKES.. to see if he looks the part.  How does one look the part for a Head Lice Ad? In any event, apparently there will be a classroom full of children listening to a boring lecture a la 1960's style from a teacher who drones on and on about the sexual habits (this is true by the way) of those cunning head lice. Because it's apparently a little racy, they are filming the children and the teacher separately.  My kid is fourteen.  I am not worried either way.  What would be sort of funny is if his first Actual Paid Gig was the Head Lice Gig.  I am fantasizing about his Future Wikipedia Page which notes that he got his start in the Lice Arena.  

He again is nonplussed and not stressed about the Lice Ad at all.  He's into school and this new girl who at least makes good grades and has watchful parents, and who likes him back, so that's something.  He thinks about going out for the wrestling team because "I'm like the smallest person there and because I'm fit, I might be able to win or something."  He dances and studies and watches videos of other people playing videogames while he laughs like mad.  I once went in to watch with him and lo and behold, watching other people play videogames on YouTube is actually quite hilarious if a) they are boys and b) they are British.  I wonder what the British use for Lice Treatment? 

Now my head is starting to itch.  I'll let you know the Outcome of the Great Lice Commercial, of course. Perhaps I can find a way to post it here for all of you to enjoy.  

********************* UPDATE*******************************

Looks like after a frantic day of getting him on video to READ THE PORNY HEAD LICE LINES (Holy Hell) - they decided they want him.  "He got his start in.. Head Lice.."  However, it's unclear exactly WHAT DAY they'll use him.  We moved Heaven and Earth to find another dancer to replace him tomorrow night in Nutcracker - (THANK YOU PROFESSIONAL COMPANY PEOPLE!)  and yet these folks feel a bit loose in their production schedule or whatever you call it.  Still, it's $350.00!  Yay for him!  I guess we need to go set up some kind of bank account where he can save for college with it.  

So, Watch This Space.  He may have gotten his first non-dancing, paying gig after all!

****************** UPDATE REDUX ******************************

The Filming of the Porny Head Lice Commercial.  

Wow.  Well, this was an experience.  We are given instructions to have him dressed in "earth toned" and sortof "preppy" clothes - a la a Wes Anderson movie.  

Like this:  

So, of course, he doesn't have clothes like these, but we winged it with what we had.    The director put him in his french blue and white striped shirt with an unusual collar and under it, put a wrinkled, bright red shirt. He looked completely odd.  There was another child there - she was being fitted with a "bald cap" and there were a couple of other kids there as well.  Three of the children had never acted or worked before.  One, a girl, got completely overwhelmed and cried but was brought round by chocolate and an Excedrin.  Two boys - near relations - perhaps cousins, were lovely, stereotypical 10 year olds.  One tall and horrid.  One short and had loveliness potential except that he was egged on by the Tall Horrid Boy who seemed to need a Ritalin IV drip.   The mother wrung her hands and rather ignored them.  DB was miffed because they caused bedlam.  

In the beginning, we were to drive to a town about 40 miles away to a small old school building.  It was used as some kid of Charter School of the Damned and I felt it was perfectly creepy and perfectly perfect for something that is Wes Anderson-y.  The director, the crew - all of them - SO YOUNG!  Like early 20's young.  But they had energy and verve and focus.  The CFO of the corporation that was associated with the Head Lice Removal Product was there.  He was very "hail fellow well met" and gracious.  That left me with the Other Parents of the Nice Little Boy - let's call him "Scooter" and the mother of the Wild Cousins and two different parents that drifted in for Bald Girl and Tearful Little Girl.  

And the ACTOR.  The Main Actor had flown in from LA.  He had lived in Utah before, but had relocated. To my immense surprise, the ACTOR was a) someone I recognized from small roles in movies I Had Actually Seen and b) was as generous with him time, advice, and kindness to parents and kids alike.  He said very nice things about all of the children, except for the Ritalin Duo, where he kept graciously silent. It was fun to meet a true working actor and find him to be as normal as anyone with that kind of crazy life could be.  I tried to avoid watching the taping.  For some scenes, they wanted the parent present, as your child said things like "What's pubic lice?" and so on.  DB was unruffled by any of it.  He was mostly interested in the Food Table that was provided.  I chatted and played my "Dorky Sad Mom Game" (according to my kid) on the I Pad. 

Call time was at 2:30.  Filming started about 3:30.  We finished at 1:30 in the morning.  1:30!   In the MORNING!  Apparently because the time went over the allotted 8 that you are supposed to do, there will be some extra money  - a little, coming DB's way.  

Director was - direct.  Focused.  Intense.  Reminded me precisely of a Border Collie except that he just couldn't let things alone.  I think he was worried that because it is the holiday season, and because this commercial is running on a tight deadline, he needed to get every last possible permutation of This Kid Saying That Line.  When we finished, I asked DB - "Well?"    He was beaming.  

And then we drove home those 40 miles and ran into an ice storm - and watched as a car flipped and landed on its roof, another car spun out - and me, going about 50 by this time, shouted "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL" and somehow, some way, pointed out little car directly between these dangerous obstacles and wove our way - no brakes allowed, they were useless, all the way through that maze and made it out the other side.   DB and I were both silent.  I broke into chatter about my AMAZING DRIVING SKILL.  We exited the freeway and took side streets, all literally a single unbroken ice sheet - all the way home.  Shaking. Laughing.  Thanking God in earnest.  

No school for DB today. He's exhausted, emotionally and physically.  I'm not letting him out of bed - where he still is, and it's 11 in the morning.  Nope.  He's staying put.  Because he has a Nutcracker tonight and most every night until the End of the Run (December 30).  He can go to school tomorrow.

This morning, I just stood over his bed and watched him sleep.  I would trade all of this Audition Stuff in a heartbeat if I knew that it meant I could keep him completely safe all the time, every time.  

But in the end, what an experience!  This ad will run on YouTube.  The last ad these guys did got 21 MILLION hits.  I checked.  21 MILLION?  How does that happen?  But head lice?  We shall see.   My head STILL itches!

:::::: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!::::: HERE IT IS!   THE HEAD LICE AD!!  ::::::::::

(notice that it's MUCH less racier than the Original Ad.  No "What's Pubic Lice?" line from Darling Boy, who is the one in the middle, with the blue and white stripey shirt over a weird red collar.  Notice how fab The Actor was in this piece though.  I really like him alot.

And that, as they say, is THAT.

Audition Five: The Industrial Video

Well, the DB did not get the Role of the Bully.  But he did look pretty mean, with his hair all greased back and his jeans rolled at the cuff, 1960's style.   Today, we got a call from the Agency asking him to audition for an Industrial Video for a company that is locally based and that is all about advancing a kind of philosophy that seems to me, loosely based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Concepts.   There isn't much to the script.  It's him and another kid, fighting over a piece of pie, and then coming up with a way to make the piece of pie bigger, so that they can both have enough.  

Hmm.  At least he likes pie.  So no memorization of lines or anything.  He continues to take all of this in stride.  Right now, as I write this, he is - where else - at ballet class.  When he gets home at about 9 PM he has a BOOK REPORT that is DUE TOMORROW (yes, he has known about this all term.  Of course he has.)  The Book is "1984" by George Orwell.  As you may know, it's a slog of a read with a totally buzz kill ending as Winston Smith takes it on the jaw, so to speak.  He has three pages left and was mad at the book as we went to ballet class tonight at 5.  So when he gets home he has to write the book report  - but wait! That's not all!  He also has to write an email to his choir teacher, explaining that despite his telling her about it last week, someone played a joke on him and removed his Choir Folder from its slot.  He was bummed and I am bummed because of course, I think he's known about this longer than he admits - and of course, the End of Term is Friday and of course, all of the Choir Assignments were in said folder.   Sometimes I think we need to try to stop him - to keep him home and have him just be a Regular High School Kid - but the ballet is something he's good at and he loves.  But it takes SO. MUCH. TIME.  And then there's rehearsals to boot for Nutcracker, and Sleeping Beauty and and and.  This Ballet Company really uses the boys and I worry that they are going to use him up sometimes.  But he doesn't complain and so maybe I'm just projecting my own worry onto him.  I need to knock that off.

And then this audition thing for Friday.   He looked tired and bummed tonight on the way to class.  Perhaps the thought of an audition will perk him up.  I have to ask my secretary (whom I love and adore) to take him to this one - and he will miss school for it.  I wish I was a stay at home mom and that I could just take him to everything.  But things didn't work out that way and my job is to make sure there is a home and a roof and so forth.   Besides.   Honestly, I think it's easier for him when I'm not the driver and the Person Who Waits.  My dear friend/secretary Janet (who is more like a family member than many family members) took him last time.  The audition lasted all of 90 seconds - he was in and out.  So perhaps he won't miss too much school this time.

We are ticking them off, one by one, these auditions.  Watch this space.

Audition Four: The Bully

Today, the Talent Agency Called.  Huzzah! Darling Boy's photo is finally up on their website, and they are sending him on an audition at 9 AM TOMORROW (which by the way, is During School and also During a Time that Neither His Father Nor His Mother can make sure he Gets There).   This audition is for a small part as A Bully in a local television series.

If you knew DB, you would know that he is the farthest thing from a Bully there ever was.  Ever.  He's never been very big and he's not very - lurchy, I guess is how you'd say it, and he's a really nice kid.  He also is a soft hearted guy.  When he was little, I took him to see one of the Harry Potter movies - the one where Cedric Diggory gets killed.  He was about what, 8?  It just KILLED him.  

This is the kid who, like his mother, tears up when happy, sad, or angry.  He hates it and doesn't want you to see it, not to mentioned TALK to him about it.  He's a kind kid who has been known to tell the School Bully to lay off the kid who's kindof weird.  But he's not a suck up and he certainly doesn't always tell me what he's doing.   If he DOES tell me, he usually prefaces it with "Now, don't get all upset.." which of course, makes me a) defensive, b) suspicious and c) sortof upset but then paradoxed so I can't BE upset - at least not outwardly.  He is in the ninth grade and is in high school.  He loves it.  He has made friends with these older boys who, as I learned recently, take him in their car and they all go out for lunch.   I learned this and of course, peppered him with questions, e.g. "Whoaretheseboyswhataretheirnamesdidyouwearseatbeltsdon'tlietomeaboutthatwhopaidwheredidyougo?" and on and on.   He was all smiley- reassurances that these are "Good Boys, mom, they are the President and Vice President of Choir!"

I went to Parent Teacher Conference and asked the Choir Teacher about them.  They are good boys. Phew.

So how can my DB play a bully?  The Talent Agency thinks he's a "good actor - he'll be perfect for it."

I am to make him look like someone from the 1960's.  I think I will wet his hair back and put him in a white tee shirt and jeans.

Bully? Hmm.   As he reminds me, "I'm gonna go on a hundred of these before I ever get anything, Mom, so just Chill."  (I didn't think I was acting "UnChill.")

Maybe I'll push him around a little when he gets home from Ballet Class, just to get him in the Bully Mood. Heh.

Audition Three: The Nutcracker, Again.

For the seventh year in a row, DB has auditioned for the Nutcracker that our professional ballet puts on.  He has always been "The Fritz" which for this company is the Main Boy Role and he's loved it.  He got to dance it in Washington DC at the Kennedy Center when The Ballet Company travelled there.  They call him "The Workhorse" or "Old Reliable" or something like that because he knows every part in the ballet, save one (The Nephew, which he has not done yet - too short in years past) and he works like a dog.   So, Darling Boy auditions for Nutcracker again this year.

The first year we did this, he was eight years old.  We went to the Ballet Audition not knowing a thing.  He was wearing bike shorts and a white tee shirt.  He looked at the Big Boys who were in "real tights, Mom" and who were jumping and spinning and just looking cool as hell.  He was impressed.   He was cast as the "Spank Boy" that year - the smallest boy in the production who is called Spank Boy (Weird, I know, right?) because at one point he goes through the Grandfather's legs, gets hauled up, and then gets a spank.  The next year, he got the Fritz.  He was shocked.  We all were.  It was a thrill.  He remained the Fritz for six more years.  He was a really good Fritz.  They told me he could really act the part and that he crafted it to make it his own, layering it year after year.   When you watch your kid in something like this, a real production, you truly can't look at anyone else, ever.  I've seen The Nutcracker fifty times but I've never really seen it - I've only had eyes for Darling Boy.

Well Darling Boy is 14 now.  And this year he finally was cast in the only role that would allow someone who is a teensy bit under five feet to do:  He got the Nephew.   This means he gets to wear this totally Liberace Purple Cape and Top Hat.  It's an acting role more than a dancing role.  He is thrilled because "Now I think I beat the record for being in Nutcracker the longest."  And because it's the only kid role in the whole thing that he hasn't done before.

He has been assisting a little bit with the teaching of the Young Fritzes.  They need help and the lovely ballet staff are stretched very thin.  They know they can count on him and he really and truly likes it that they do.

I love the Nutcracker, because that is what made him fall in love with the stage.  I will always love it.  I wonder what it will be like, the day I watch it, and he is too old to be in it - until he is about 18 and then Voila - he can be in it again!  As it is, he has Fourteen Shows to deal with in December.  (Last winter because of the Kennedy Center, it was over 20).  As I type this, I realize that I need to get him his flu shot. Pronto!

Audition Two: The Rite of Spring

Well, Audition Two is for the local Professional Ballet's version of the The Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinski.  We are told about this by a lovely woman who works with the PB's cast and also as the Children's Ballet Mistress.  We learn that the choreographer asked for "small boys" to look at as the "Sacrificial Child" but that the original "small boys" were too small - the choreography in this thing is hard and have you ever tried to count, you know, just count 1, 2, 3, 4 in parts of this musical piece?  If not, try.   So, Darling Son gets to audition.  He is auditioning with his Frenemy - a boy who is a truly lovely dancer but at times extremely difficult to get to know.  My kid is social and chatty.  I think my kid drives Frenemy Boy sortof nuts with his humor, his talkativeness and his social ease.  FB is a Serious Kid who has finally found his thing in ballet.  He is at times demeaning to my kid - calling him names and telling him "Aren't you only going to be just a Broadway dancer or something?"  FB is a better ballet dancer than my kid - but apparently the Famous Choreographer who has flown in from New York wants to see them both.

I take Darling Boy there.  We are surrounded by the Real PB company dancers.  They are HUGE. The men are like great big lion-gazelle type creatures - all are over six feet tall.  Some as tall as 6'5".  The women are lithe.  That's the total word for it:  LITHE.  And very friendly to me and to DB, as they know him from his long time status in countless other performances that the PB has done, mostly Nutcracker but other things too.  This Audition strikes me as different somehow.  In other shows, the PB directors know my kid, and they choose how and when and where to use him (as well as Frenemy Boy) in productions.  They know best. Me?  I just drive to the places they tell us and wash ballet tights.

So, the audition starts in this room and they leave the door open (which never happens).  The music starts.  I have an opportunity to sortof see what is going on.  I love this symphony so much (I am a musician and the high bassoon solo at the beginning is to die for).  The music is floating out the door.   And I am sitting on this bench.  If I scoot over five inches I can see DB.  But he can also see me.  As it is, I can see FB from the position I'm in now.   I worry that my sitting here is distracting for FB and then I get generally agitated so I start walking around.  There's not far to walk. Just up and back.  To the rest room.  I play on my phone.  DB comes out.  "Well, that was totally cool.  It's super hard to count and it's modern and hard and totally fun.  Can we go get a burger with lots of bacon on it now?"  

Today, we learn that they want DB and FB back again for three hours after school today.  I think they are either going to cast them both, or have one be an understudy.  I will drive the car and I go shopping during this time, and then I will wash the tights.  

P.S.  RE: The Potato Eaters.  He did NOT get that part.  The talent agency said they wanted "an American Family that also looks sortof ethnic" and it was unclear who ended up with it.  My kid looks like he was born in Idaho - all blonde hair and steely blue eyes and strong jaw (his Dad is Polish).   I still like potatoes though.

*** UPDATE ON RITE OF SPRING ***

He DID get the part in The Rite of Spring and apparently the Famous New York Choreographer (I am told he is famous but how would I know that, because I don't dance unless I recently sat on an ant hill) LOVED him. He is in the "A" cast apparently.  The show will open in of course, the Spring 2014.  

Audition One: The Potato Eaters

My fourteen year old son went to his first audition for a commercial today.  I want to talk about it but there is no one to really talk to except him, and he of course, is fourteen, and all he can say is "Mom, we just sat at the table and pretended to eat potatoes.  My pretend mom was really nice.  She's smaller than you are."

Let me back up.  So my Darling Boy is my only child.  He is this verbal, kind, charming kid who absolutely knows how to work me.  Like me, he is a ham.  Unlike me, he does not have the need to talk to every single person on the planet he meets as if he were some kind of anxious poodle.  He's like his father that way.   DB was bitten by the Acting Bug via ballet dancing.  The local professional ballet company came to the school when he was in second grade.  He came home and made a bee line for his father, talking about how high they jumped and how fast they could spin.  Then he said, and I am not making this up:  "And the girls were HOT."  This, from a seven year old.   My husband folded his paper aside and said "How hot?"

DB was on the ski team, the soccer team and husband's baseball team.  Over the years, that faded and now he dances about two to three hours a day, five days a week during the school year and six hours on Saturday.  During the summer it's about eight hours a day, five days a week.  For eight weeks.  What started the acting wish began when DB learn that his friend, who was his age, went to Broadway, as one of the Billy Elliot dancers.  As the character of Billy.  Now the kid is touring in London or something.  So, last summer we took DB to Broadway to show him what New York and Broadway were like.  And that was that.  In Times Square his mouth fell open.  Darling Husband asked "What's wrong with him? Is he having a panic attack or something?"  But DB just turned in a slow circle, head looking straight up, and said "Oh. My. GOD. I am SO going to live HERE!"   And so now, DB knows what he wants to do.  He wants to be in front of people.  Dancing, singing, acting, or if he gets this thing he went for today:  Eating potatoes.

DB got the lead roles in his junior high school plays and then went through this intense crisis because the plays took time away from ballet.  And the school plays were much more social and provided much more instant gratification than ballet ever could.  Then he felt all guilty about ballet, which brooks no other lover. Just ask any professional ballet dancer and they will explain this to you in grisly detail.  Finally, one of his favorite, most terrifying and most beloved teachers phoned me to explain that while he would make a wonderful ballet dancer, she believed his heart was in acting. I then learned that her son is a professional actor as well.  A famous one.  She made a phone call or two and the next thing you know, he had an agent. A real one - not the kind that you have to pay all this money to or anything.  And then he went to a weekend acting workshop for commercials.  And then he got some photographs made.  And then they called us two days ago and said he needed to show up to this audition to pretend to eat potatoes with his pretend family with the pretend mother who is younger and nicer and smaller than me.

I read the little sheet that went with the Potato Eater Audition.  They are looking for an 'ethnic' family.  My son looks a lot like a very young Leonardo DiCaprio.  He couldn't look more All American Idaho Potato if he tried.  But ethnic?  Not unless Eastern European is considered ethnic.   DB took it all in stride.  As he put it.  "Dude, Mom, this is just practice.  That's all.  Just practice.  Relax. I don't expect to get it.  But I might as well practice.  I'll probably be in 100 auditions before I ever get anything."   So I figured that I might as well start counting the auditions someplace.  And that place is Right Here.  Audition One: The Potato Eaters.

He still is going to dance ballet.  He loves it.  And, as he put it "I can tell that there are about a jillion kids about there who can act.  And who can sing too.  But I don't think there are as many that can DANCE and sing and act.  If I'm going to get there, it will be because I can do all three.  That's what I think."

I think I need to go make potatoes for dinner anyway.  Just for luck.